 Wysłany: Śro 10:43, 08 Sty 2014 Temat postu: Toddlers are less fun when they're sick |
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| Toddlers are less fun when they're sick
The child is sick and has been crying crying crying nonstop for hours every day and as he screams my mind gets all dark and I feel like those evil little imps from the movie "Ghost" that go "bleah bleah" as they seep out of the shadows to drag the bad people into hell. (Yes, I just made a "Ghost" reference. I have not the mental energy to come up with something more clever. Someday I'll make a Svankmajer reference, and won't you be impressed then? Won't you?) He's in a constant state of crisis, always frantically needing something that is impossible to deliver, since apparently feverish toddlers believe that their teary protests will rend the fabric of reality, so that the very item they desire will come bounding toward them from some alternate universe. So, for instance, he wants a cracker BUT NOT THAT CRACKER! OH GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST OFFERED ME THE ONE CRACKER I DO NOT WANT, DAMN YOU,[url=http://nikefree.mobilejeti.com]nike free tilbud[/url], THE INJUSTICE, I WILL CLUTCH AT YOUR ANKLES AND WEEP WHILE POINTING AT THE SHELVES AT SOME OTHER BOX THAT ISN'T CRACKERS BUT SWEET CHRIST STOP TELLING ME IT ISN'T CRACKERS, JUST GIVE ME THE CRACKERS THAT SHOULD BE IN THERE, I DON'T CARE HOW IT'S DONE, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR LOGIC! I WILL SCREAM LOUDER, SO YOU GET THE POINT! AAAAAAIGH! NOW DO YOU SEE! I am completely, utterly drained. I keep thinking he's feeling better and then I'll try to, say, put his shoes on and he'll rip off the happy mask and shriek I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE PUTTING SHOES ON ME AT A MOMENT LIKE THIS, THE PRECISE MOMENT WHEN THE LAST THING I NEEDED OR COULD HANDLE WAS SHOES! I DEMAND TO GO OUTSIDE TO THE GLASS AND POOPFESTOONED STREET BUT I WILL NEVER WEAR THOSE FOOT COVERINGS! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME LIVE BY YOUR RULES! HERE IS MORE SCREAMING FOR YOU! Attention, public: mothers must be judged as much as possible. Here's how. "That's not tuna you're eating, is it? Did you know that tuna is composed entirely of mercury? Um, so, do you care about your unborn child?" "Did you just order a turkey sandwich? Ever heard of a bacterium called listeria? Well, you better find out all about it, missy, because from now until that poor innocent baby is born, your thoughtless snacking can kill. No more cold cuts for you. Or brie. Forget brie. Don't even think about goat cheese. If you care about anything except yourself. And God did declareth thus: unto thee there shall be given great pains; yea, thou shalt have the soreness of throat, as well as achiness of limbs, and thou shalt whine and call all of thine friends and family to update them on thine escalating fevers, but no one shalt care very much, as fevers are not all that interesting. This is what happens when you complain about your poor child's sicknessyou get smitten by the Lord. I'm not all that religious, but I know a good smiting when I see it. Todayhealthy at last!we bounded, skipping and singing and. |
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